I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written anything. My life has really slowed down…basically come to a screeching hault. I’m not happy, I’m not sad. I’m not busy, I’m not bored. I just am. My days lately have been me lying in bed, and my nights have been me watching TV and working. I haven’t been to church in three weeks. I haven’t read my Bible consistently in a long time, probably since February. I guess that’s when everything fell apart. I haven’t been angry at God, I just haven’t cared for God like I should, I guess. It seems like everytime my life really starts to fall in to place, like I’m actually growing up and living, God sees fit to take that away, and throw me back into this monotonous routine of work and sleep.

Please understand this, I have been to church since February. I’ve lifted my arms in praise to God, sworn to revamp my life, to rededicate my life to Him, but when I get home, I just lose it. It doesn’t seem as important, it’s not something I need to do. What I need to do is get paid better so I can move out, get my own car, live the life I want, be the person I want to be: being with friends, changing the church, working with youth, helping people out, loving and serving freely. (more…)